Ariston and on and on and on and on and on............

I just can't win. Whatever worked for me all last year doesn't work anymore. I decided to put $2k in ongame and broke even for a while and then smashed up a keyboard after another stack went a-begging and I found myself another 5bi below EV (to add to the other 45) and busted the rest of the 2k playing 5/10. I don't get it. I didn't think it was possible to be breaking even over 100k hands with wwsf close to 50% and WTSD/W$SD at 27/55. Almost all the stats are where they should be and it makes no difference. I would estimate that I've been on the wrong side of a good 18 of the last 20 all-in preflop with QQ+, AK situations aswell.
I withdrew almost everything I had and left about $4k in to play 100nl and try to rebuild my confidence and any leaks that have crept in while while running like shite. I lost 7 stacks in first 2k 100nl hands with the usual suspects (QQ no good vs TT etc etc, you know the drill) and was 5bi below EV aswell. How can this be possible without riggage? Bizarro-world.
It's a pretty cruel game where you can put your heart and soul into learning it for a long time, and it just kicks sand in your face day after day. I've organised some coaching just to make sure that I'm not playing like a retard as a result of constantly being down 3 buyins before the seat is warm. I honestly think I'm a decent enough player and well capable of beating at least 200nl and have read on forums that decent players consider me a tough opponent so wtf?
The bad run has definitely affected me outside poker aswell. My job as a scientific researcher comes pretty easy to me in comparison to some people who live in the lab, and I don't have much trouble banging out a good amount of interesting papers each year with minimal effort, so poker is in a way the 'challenge' in my life and when it goes badly I'm naturally annoyed. The thing is that such a large fraction of the result is down to variance that I'm unduely pissed off a lot of the time. If I play ok and lose a few buyins I'm annoyed and there's no changing that and vice versa..
The stupidest thing of all is that ultimately I'm not driven by money, if I was I wouldn't be working in a University! I would much rather a decent salary and the freedom to come and go as I please in work than to be some highly paid hot shot who has to be in work at 9am sharp and is constantly on the laptop after hours.
I would like to remember when I'm playing, that buyin it hurts to lose doesn't really mean that much to me in the first place. Oh so I can buy a TV thats 2" bigger, wow my life is complete now that I can enjoy Eastenders in a whole new way.
Nonsense. Its a pastime that happens to net me some extra money to flitter away when its going well and I at least break even when its going poorly. Most people's pastimes cost them money.
Moral of the story. Enjoy the challenge, and enjoy the profit if it comes. If not, just give up.