I'm broke...not in bankroll terms, but my recent swing has killed my spirit totally. I'm sure you all know it and have encountered it, but some people deal with it better than others, but I'm a pansy and can't hack it at all.
Putting immense effort into something for 6 months and then just not being able to win a hand doesn't compute with me. Maybe I'll review the hands in a few weeks and see plenty of bad play in there too, but I've looked at stuff 2 days or a week later and my conclusion is still that I just can't find a way to win.
Its very hard to accept and very easy to put down to variance and running bad but is it really possible to drop 12 buyins over 10k hands due to running bad, or do I have to accept I'm just not very good, despite reading forums, watching cardrunners videos, coaching, everything else?
Is it is, then I question if its the game for me. As an old gent who was getting berated by Phil Hellmuth said, "If this is Poker, then I don't want to be a part of it".
I don't really know what to do now. My initial thoughts are to withdraw some of my bankroll which stands at about $5.4k and buy some crap so I have something tangible to show for this fucking torture! Then I'd drop down to $50nl and start again. But then I think there's a chance that maybe there's a tiny miniscule chance that I'm good enough to actually beat $100nl and I should continue. I dunno really...fuck the whole damn lot of them :-)
Time for a break anyway...Length of said break to be confirmed.
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